Ask Gerty: Existential Questions in October

October 21, 2016

Dear Gerty,

 

Whenever the temperature begins to decrease in the great city of De Pere, Wisconsin I always begin to ponder the more abstract things in life. They are not always the most relevant of questions, but they always seem to tug at my brain. Such questions include: When is a door not a door? Does the light stay on in my fridge when I close the door? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck? If your time is limited, the most important question I would like you to answer is this: where do the campus squirrels go when it starts to get cold outside?

 

Sincerely,

An inquisitive St. Norbert student

 

 

Dear inquisitive St. Norbert student,

 

At times like these when frost can be found on the freshly cut grass in the morning and your breath starts to form clouds in front of you as you travel to your first class of the day, our world famous St. Norbert squirrels have only one thing on their little minds- vacation! Everyone knows that squirrels LOVE to take a trip somewhere warm while the snow is in town. Popular destinations for these cute critters include Hawaii, Bora Bora, and a great spot in Portugal called Almendra (that’s Spanish for Almond!). Squirrel vacation activities include nuttery, tail washing, and a new trend they call “Nest-flix and chill.”

 

Oh - and to answer your other questions (I have plenty of time on my hands, inquisitive St. Norbert student) I would say this: a door is not a door when someone uses it as a makeshift sled in the winter time, the light does not stay on, but if your refrigerator is running you ought to catch it before it gets too far, and a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.


Yours Truly,
Gerty

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