Ask Gerty: Frantic about Cleaning

Dear Gerty,

My friends and I had a Super Bowl viewing party in my Burke dorm, but things quickly got out of hand once the second half started. Paper plates were thrown, my furniture was upside down, and for some reason people started turning all my shirts inside out! Days later, I found a leftover pizza underneath my bed and now it’s starting to become my next Biology project, and I think I saw it start MOVING… I’m going to be honest here Gerty- I haven’t done much cleaning in my time, but I need to start real quick before my parents visit me this weekend! Any advice you can give is greatly appreciated, Gerty, please!


A Frantic St. Norbert student


Dear Frantic St. Norbert student,

I can see why you’re worried, but rest assured I am here to help. I don’t know much about cleaning, but what I do know a lot about is football! Many probably don't recognize me from the picture the college uses of me when I was older, but I was once the Cheer Captain of the Easter Emus of Wausau, Wisconsin. So let’s get down to business! First off, you’re going to want to intercept that rotten pizza before it gains sentience and toss it right into the red zone (that’s your garbage can). Next up, take that furniture and show it how to work like a team again- no illegal formations allowed in the dorm! Finally, take every shirt over to the sideline, fold it as best as you possibly can, and throw it in your dresser to score a big ‘ol TOUCHDOWN!!! Great job! You RAH-RAH-ROCKED that play! Now you’re all set for your parents to visit and for football season next year.

Yours Truly, Gerty

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