Ask Gerty: Christmas Party Edition

December 6, 2018


Dear Gerty,


With the end of the semester rapidly approaching, I am undeniably stressed out by the thought of final exams in my future, but I am even more terrified of the Christmas party I’ll be hosting later this month. I haven’t acquired any decorations, I’m terrible at cooking anything that isn’t Ramen noodles, and I have more people coming to my party than there are living in Bergstrom! My question for you is, are you able to offer me any advice on how to throw the perfect Christmas party?



Hopeful Hostess


Dear Hopeful Hostess,


I’m so thrilled that you brought this question to my attention! Since I have a Christmas celebration of my own to organize, I’m in the perfect mindset to provide you with advice. The very first thing you’ll want to do is ensure that you have the proper venue reserved for the night of your party. Since you plan on greeting a greater number of people than those living in my namesake residence hall, be sure to find somewhere that can adequately house the number of attendees you’re expecting… and has a reasonable pricetag attached to it! Next up you’ll want to perform a thorough cleansing of the location where the event will be held. Start with the basics, such as mopping and dusting, and work your way up to the complex things like burning sage and coating the walls with protective charms. Once all germs are properly eliminated and the building is protected from other-worldly invasions, we can address the decoration deficit you spoke of. I always get my decorations from the military-grade storage bunker that I own, but for you I would recommend places such as Home Depot, Walmart, and the Dollar Store to purchase the decorations you desire… or the materials necessary to craft your own decorations! Simple decorations can always go a long distance if you incorporate them properly, so don’t feel the need to buy the most expensive items during this stage! If your cooking skills truly are as limited as you say they are, then remember that many other people in this world have been in the exact same position! If you think it’s a good idea, you can purchase some delightful treats from a store near you and present them on a lovely platter. If displayed in such a manner, you’ll show everyone that you put more effort into the dessert than simply paying for it! However, the other option is for you to bake the dessert yourself, and for that option I recommend reading a different piece of mine where I discuss Shirley Savage’s famous butter cookies: She was always one of my best friends and a phenomenal baker, so you can trust that her recipe, if you follow it properly, will serve you well! Now that everything has been addressed, I hope that my advice has calmed you and provided you with a solid plan of action!


Best of luck with your snowy soirée,


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